Thank goodness that Blogger & I have issues ! I just typed out a long message explained what happened today and got into detail of the lifelong, mind-games, relationship that my father plays to me. It felt really good to type it all out and get it off my chest, then I hit the wrong button and off in cyber-space it is floating!!! That is probably the best palce for it to be.
I will give you the condensed version of why I am fighting off tears all day today. My father called me this morning and as I was driving I could not get into more than just a few seconds of conversation. He called to tell me that he was in the attic today to check on something and he wanted to let me know ( because I had inquired ) that he had ( don't know when) given ( sold?) my wedding gown to the Thrift Shop in town and told them to "cut it up and sew it into something for the needy".... now, those of you who know him know that he loves to play mind games and when confronted he will say sweetly---who, me?? you're just to very sensitive. Don't get me wrong I have been enjoying having a relationship with him but he ALWAYS has to get his little digs in , kinda like holding a carrot in front of a jack-a**. Why would he not ask me if I wanted my wedding gown back if it was taking to much room in his attic...or could it be the fact that he cannot stand my husband ? What if one of my daughters wanted it for a wedding or wanted me to sew it into something for them or their children???? Now I will never have the chance as it is gone.
So, dear readers, do I call him tonight and let him know I am upset?? Do I ask him why he gave it away to a stranger and told them to cut it up??? Or do I just grit my teeth and tell myself I am being too sensitive.
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3 comments:
Like all family issues, it's not about the wedding gown. It's just figuring our what it is about.
My mother suffers from major mental illness and once she gave away a framed photo of mine that had won a contest in highschool. My dad and I had worked on it together shortly before his death, when I was 16, and I'm still crushed. She thought "the government" could use it.
He could have just as easily made the phone call to you WHEN he found your wedding dress as opposed to AFTER he had given it away. It's the fine art of manipulation.
Don't let him do it to you any more. It's mean and you do NOT deserve it, even if he is your Father...more so, because he IS your Father. Talk to a counselor or therapist once or twice to learn how to define your boundaries and deal with the emotional loss of a father that does NOT think of you from his heart. At least, that's my take and my opinion. Life is too short to deal with family that is mean.
My Mother died of cancer that went to her brain -- the last year she was very ugly. But that was the cancer, not a whole life of meanness towards me. If he has always been that way towards you, continue to take the reins towards your own healing in whatever manner you see fit. Blessings.
Edit: I just got back from the lake checking in on how my father was doing. While there I went into the attic and geez, off in a corner was the gown! Another mind game, don't know why he does these things he always has with me. Anyway I made no big deal with him he is 86 years old and what's the point....
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